Def: o'kay ter'ri'fic: 1.common expression of muted astonishment due to being surrounded by amazing stupidity, without quite knowing what else to say. 2.expression that usually precedes the changing of a subject brought up by an individual who is perfectly clueless to anything or anyone outside their own narcissistic corner of the universe. Origin: Unknown

Location: Bergen County, New Jersey, United States

Steven Hill is the author of the independently published A VOICE ABOVE THE DIN, available at www.lulu.com/holbrookhill, or Amazon or B&N.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Not Necessarily The News

Holmdel, NJ

Ten-year-old Kyle Sims thought he’d hit the jackpot. While accompanying his father to a walk-up ATM at the local branch of the Hudson Bank, he bent down and picked up what he believed to be extremely rare, uncut blue diamonds.

“I got all excited,” Kyle recounted. “They looked just like those diamonds we read about in school. I thought somebody dropped them or something.”

Turns out, Kyle’s ‘cache of diamonds’ was just plain rock salt.

“At first, my heart skipped a beat,” said David Sims, Kyle’s father. “But then I noticed the huge pile of snow left by the plows in the parking lot and it dawned on me. I tried to explain to Kyle that it was only rock salt, but he wouldn’t hear it. He kept scrambling along the sidewalk and stuffing his pockets with it. It was actually pretty embarrassing. I pointed to the snow and explained to him that they used rock salt to melt the snow and ice so people wouldn’t trip and fall, but he was oblivious to everything I said. He even ignored me all the way home.”

Kyle wasn’t the only one fooled by Mother Nature. When they arrived home, according to David, Kyle ran right into the house and dumped the contents of his pockets onto the kitchen table.

“Before I knew it,” David said, “my wife ran outside shrieking and jumped into my arms. She started rambling on about finally being able to add on to the house, and all the clothes she wanted to buy, and that a brand new Mercedes would look great in the driveway… You shoulda seen her face when I told her the truth. I’ve been in the doghouse ever since.”

Weeks later, David reports his wife still holds a grudge for his ‘cruel joke’.

“I don’t know why she thinks I was pulling a practical joke on her,” he lamented, “but either way, I still don’t feel it’s a good enough reason to deprive me of my marital due.”

Not to be outdone, David Sims turned around and used the extra time on his hands wisely. As of last notice, his lawyer has filed a civil suit against the manufacturer of the deceptive ice melter, seeking punitive and compensatory damages.

“They shouldn’t be allowed to make that stuff look just like diamonds,” retorts David. “It ain’t right.”

-contributing reporter, Steven H. Hill.


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